


Comfort

by Batdad (MizGoat), DivineValley



Series: Quartermaster and The Speck [5]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 19:46:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizGoat/pseuds/Batdad, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineValley/pseuds/DivineValley
Summary: Steady heads to The Speck on his own to speak  about Tadhg's possible future and for a shoulder to lean





	Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> Another collab between the two of us! We just love making our boys feel emotions! Comment and kudos always appreciated! We hope you all enjoy!

“Huh…hey sarge getting a message here it’s Steady requesting a landing.” 

Looking at Brig in surprise Sten walked over to where he was sitting to check out the screen to see the usual ship Steady and Tadhg would use for inspection. They weren’t due till tomorrow not that he’d complain about an early visit he’d enjoy that quite a bit.

“Give them the okay to land I’ll go meet them in the hangar.” He ordered and started to make his way there unable to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his head. A day early with no message beforehand, that didn’t seem right.

It didn’t take him long at all to get there and when the ramp lowered he watched Steady exit the ship and Sten knew something was wrong. His face, the way he walked. Something happened, something awful and Sten found himself rushing forward he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and grabbing his arms.

“Stead? Stead what happened?”

Steady kept his breathing even and his shoulders square. This was how he’d earned his name after all. Because he could do this. Carefully he shifted his arms to force Sten to let go and moved so that his hands caught Sten’s as they fell. He met Sten’s gaze and held it.

“I need to speak with you in private,” he said, and after years of practice, his voice didn’t waver or skip. Without waiting for an answer he let go of Sten’s hands and headed for Sten’s office.

“Okay.” Bringing Steady to his office they encountered Mouse and Howler on the way, the two looking excited and waiting to say hello but upon seeing the look on Steady’s face both back off stepping aside to allow the higher ranked officers to pass by.

Once in the safety of his office with the door locked Sten turned to Steady waiting to get some answers as worry filled him. Steady wasn’t himself right now, he looked calm and composed but Sten could see there was a storm brewing beneath that facade.

“Steady I want you to take a deep breath and explain to me what’s happened so I can help you.”

Steady sat down stiffly. He steepled his fingers and stared at them a moment before beginning. 

“Tadhg’s been hurt. Badly. He was running resupply to an artillery station when it got hit with some grenades. He either took his bucket off or it got blown off, but the lower third of the right side of his head got pretty well melted, and he got a lungful of fumes. They’ve got him in oxygenated bacta now, but when they pull him out there will be assessments. To see how well the healing took. And if he fails…” Steady had been blunt and matter of fact. His focus had stayed in the middle distance. He’d rehearsed this part in his head the whole trip over. Now he turned to Sten and gave him a meaningful look. This was the backup plan. This was how Tadhg stayed alive.*

“You bring him to me,” Sten said there was no thought needed in the decision if Tadhg was deemed unfit for duty Sten will bring him here and protect him. That would raise the number to five a bigger risk. The war was making things difficult the others should have been here as long as they have. Finding dependable transportation to safety was rarer but there was no way in hell he’d ever turn Tadhg away.

“He’s still with the 212th on their ships which is good if they had shipped him out to Kamino retrieving him would be impossible. Okay, okay I’ll get in contact with the people I know give them a heads up about a possible pick up. If it comes down to it I will protect him Steady, I promise you that on my life.”

“I know. I know. That wasn’t… That wasn’t in question. I just needed to make sure you got a head’s up in time to plan. Hopefully, it won’t come to that. Hopefully, I’m just being over cautious. Still.” Steady sagged in the chair. With his message delivered, he had nothing else that needed doing, and that was a problem. Waiting was never easy. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and scowled.

“I hate this,” he hissed.

Kneeling down in front of his Sten’s expression softened, he was able to understand Steady’s frustrations perfectly. Placing his hands on Steady’s he gave them a gentle squeeze and made sure to catch his gaze.

“I know. I hate this too and I can’t say it’s going to be fine because I don’t if it will be. But I assure you Tadhg will be safe. We’ll take care of him all of us...and if he has to be taken. If he has to hide I will make him top priority okay?”

Tightening his grip ever so slightly Sten took a deep breath before continuing.

“Steady...if it comes to that...I can make you vanish too. I can send you with him if that’s what you want. You, Tadhg even Brass. I’ll find a way for all three of you to be safe.”

Steady cupped his hand under Sten’s cheek. What he was offering was attractive in a certain light. He was tired of fighting. But he couldn’t just walk away either. There was too many who relied on him. Not just those under his command either. He kept the 212th supplied and housed. They were his to take care of, and whatever pride he had, came from doing that job well.

“Sweet of you to offer, but no. I can’t abandon my responsibilities. Not in my nature. Or theirs, I think.” Steady leaned forward to kiss Sten’s forehead but decided about halfway there that he’d just as soon join him on the floor. He gracelessly slid out of the chair and pushed himself into Sten’s arms. There was a bit of shuffling until Steady was able to rest his head on Sten’s shoulder and his arms around Sten’s waist.

“How much longer can this piece of shit war last anyway?”

With his own arms wrapped around Steady, Sten couldn’t answer that because it’s something he thought about every single day ever since he became aware of how little their lives mattered to others. He understood Steady’s decision to reject the offer and a selfish part of him was pleased but the other part wanted to scream in frustration. 

“Steady...you can be free. I know you have responsibilities...but you can be free of all this. Find that forest, cook as much as you want be with Tadhg and Brass somewhere safe. No more hurt. No more tattooing another dead brothers’ name on your body just absolute freedom.”

Pressing his face into Steady’s shoulder he held onto him fighting the turning in his stomach. What was wrong with him?

“Sometimes I get this feeling that...these guys, Mouse, Howl, Hawke, and Vic...that they’re going to be the last ones I can save. I don’t know why but I feel dread...like something will happen. So if there’s a chance I can save you three as well I’ll take it.”

Steady just shook his head into Sten’s shoulder. 

“Wouldn’t be very peaceful if I couldn’t live with myself. Guess I’ll just have to tough it out. I’m just so tired. It never gets any easier.” He sighed and his breath made an involuntary hitch. He buried his head deeper into Sten’s neck and it wasn’t until he felt the fabric of Sten’s black’s getting wet that he realized he was crying.

“Huh,” he whispered and let out a dry, mirthless laugh.*

Surprised at his tears Sten didn’t make any remark he simply held the other man starting to shake ever so slightly. It was all probably hitting him pretty hard right now. Nothing to distract his mind from the grief, he knew it well himself.

“...It’s okay. Let it out, don’t hold it in anymore.” He whispered hoping Steady didn’t react badly to his sympathy. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

“Brass and I very nearly had a knockdown, drag out in medical this morning. He was less than thrilled with me leaving. And of course that’s one of the few time’s Tadhg’s been awake in there, so he got to see it all go down. Which I’m sure was just a bucket of fun for him, trapped in a bacta tank.” Steady hiccuped and shook his head at the ridiculousness of it. He took a moment to try and rub the worst of the tears away but they kept falling.

“Little shit hit a little close to home though. Said I just didn’t want to watch Tadhg in pain. As if I haven’t sat in medical and watched brothers die after every major battle the 212th has been involved in. But what the hell, maybe he’s right. I don’t wanna sit and watch Tadhg in pain.” As he spoke Steady’s pace had increased and his calm eroded. The final confession came out in a rushed mess.

He could understand where Brass’ anger was coming from but Sten can also understand the what Steady was feeling. Watching those you care about in pain is...terrible. It’s why he had tried to stay detached as a cadet. If you didn’t care for anyone it wouldn’t hurt when they were suffering or died.

Obviously, that had changed in him and some would say he cared too much. 

“I know...I know it sucks, it fucking sucks watching someone you love in pain. All you can do it watch and hope they’ll be okay. It hurts and you want to look away...I have a feeling Tadhg isn’t angry with you. I bet he was even a little relieved because I’m sure you’ve been right there beside him every moment of this. But you need some time to heal too, okay?”

Pulling back enough so he could look at Steady’s face he gently brushed some of his tears away. “Like you told me, remember? Don’t hold in all your hurt, I’m here for you, we’re partners so you can depend on me, understand?”

“I know, I know.” Steady squeezed his waist a little. He resisted the urge to apologize for his tears. It wasn’t what he actually wanted to say. 

“Thank you.” That was more accurate. “It’s been a while since the last time I can really remember crying. Not since…” Steady paused a moment unsure if he wanted to continue, but hell, if he was gonna be a mess, might as well do it. His tears didn’t seem ready to stop any time soon. “Not since Heart died.”

“Heart?” Sten recalled seeing that name, it was tattooed on Steady and he knew just from the tone he spoke Heart had been someone special, someone, Steady had lost.

Deciding this wasn’t a conversation that was meant to be had on the floor he carefully helped Steady up onto his feet. Having him sit down on the bed Sten them retrieved some tissues before offering them to Steady so he wouldn’t have to deal with a constant mess of tears. 

“Someone you cared about.” He said softly, reaching out so he could take one of his hands.

Steady ran his thumb over Sten’s knuckles.

“Yeah. I… If I’ve ever been in love, it was with him. He was assigned to my unit and nine days later he got taken down by artillery fire. Lived long enough to mishear me and ask if I was naming him Heart. Which I wasn’t, but I couldn’t tell him as much, so…” Steady shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

“It’s ridiculous. I know it’s ridiculous. I am irrational where he’s concerned. Couldn’t bring myself to wash his blood off, so I tattooed it on my ribs. And for all that I never seem able to talk about him. I’m not sure why I‘m doing it now.” Steady hiccuped again and stared at the ceiling.

“Steady that isn’t ridiculous at all,” Sten said bluntly as he gave the other a look. “If you’re ridiculous for those reasons then what the hell am I?” He asked while gesturing to himself. “I held in all my pain over Joy, changed my name and then forced myself into having his personality.” Which was a can of worms he’d open another day but for now, he focused on wanting to help Steady.

“What you feel isn’t ridiculous, okay? You’ve been mourning him.” He said wanting to make it clear. “He meant something to you, he was special to you and losing him hurt you deeply. That’s not ridiculous.”

“I barely knew him. Nine days, Sten. I don’t even know if I loved him, or the idea of him. It’s a bit ridiculous. If he’d lived maybe it would have all fallen apart the way most of my long-term relationships do, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But he died, in my arms, before we’d ever really gotten a chance to start.” Steady smoothed the sheets absentmindedly. 

“You and Joy had known each other since you were cadets. It makes sense that you would have a hard time getting over him. This wasn’t that. I don’t know.” Wherever the tears had come from they seemed to be slowing down. It was a small mercy.

“Doesn’t matter. Nine days, nine months, nine years. He made an impact on your life enough so that he was the first name. His blood is still on your body. Don’t disregard how he’s touched your life.” Sten’s voice was stern, he reached for Steady’s hands forcing him to stop fidgeting with the sheets.

“What about Hawke? You only knew him for a week, seven days, less than the time you knew Heart. He made an impact on your life and he was gone. As far as you knew dead and yet when you heard a blind clone was here you asked if his name was Hawke. I bet you mourned him too, didn’t you?”

“I don’t tattoo their names on my back because I’m worried that I won’t remember them. I can tell you how every last one of them died, and what the last order I gave them was.” Steady sighed and realized he was maybe changing the subject somewhat. 

“It’s not that I question that he made an impact. It’s just hard to be so uncertain. I’d like to think we would have had some grand romance if he’d lived, but I’ve crashed and burned too many relationships because when it came down to it, I’m not romantic. I know I’m a difficult shit to get close to. I just. I’m going to live with that doubt. I resent it, but I can’t get rid of it either.” Steady searched Sten’s face for some sign that what he was saying made sense.

Listening to him Sten understood a bit and just nodded as he adjusted himself into a more comfortable sitting position. “You’re right...you don’t know if you would have had that grand romance together. Or maybe you two would have had something casual, you won’t ever know...but I have to argue with you on one thing. I don’t think you’re a difficult shit at all.”

Offering him a tiny smile Sten couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “I think you’re a pretty damn amazing person, someone I trust and rely on. I consider you to be one of my closest friends, obviously.” Holding up the wrist with Steady’s name tattooed on it he shrugged. 

“So what, you’re not romantic. Doesn’t matter. I’d say you’ve formed some pretty deep bonds. And even if you can’t say you’ve felt romantic love you definitely have familial love in you. It’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Because you love Tadhg and you want to keep him safe.”

“You caught me.” Steady held up his hands in mock surrender. And all at once the fact that he hadn’t slept more than a few hours in the past two days hit him. He dropped onto his back. 

“I’m requisitioning your bunk,” he told Sten.

“And I’m sure I have no say in the matter?” He replied playfully as he watched him lay down. Steady conked out the moment his head hit the pillow and Sten allowed his worry to finally show. Placing a blanket over him, Sten carefully stood up and wondered when was the last time Steady actually ate a good meal.

Leaving his office Sten managed not to run into anyone who’d ask prying questions, he wasn’t up for explaining the whole story to everyone so he made quick work in the kitchen putting together some food for Steady.

How would he handle it...if he were to lose Tadhg? To have him be taken here and eventually sent away forever, the chances of the two of them ever seeing each other again would be slim to none. It’d be a heavy loss but he knew Steady would do everything in his power to keep Tadhg safe.

Sten would do the same as well.

Steady woke with a groan. Just because he could fall asleep in his armor didn’t mean he should. With a grunt of exertion, he pulled himself up to strip down. He let the pieces of his armor fall a bit haphazardly next to Sten’s bunk and listened to the hollow clacking noise they made as they hit the floor. He suspected that if someone were to pick him and drop him at this moment he would make the same empty clatter.

How long had he been out? Not long he thought. He didn’t feel rested in any meaningful way.

Sten entered the room with a whoosh of air from the door sliding open. He was carrying a tray of food.

“Pulling maneuvers from my tactics manual, I see,” he said with a half-hearted grin.

Returning his smile Sten placed the tray down but handed Steady a mug so he could have a drink. “It’s tea, Blitz says it helps him relax a bit.” Pressing a soft kiss on his forehead he sat down beside Steady.

“I considered taking off your armor but you were conked out the moment your head hit the pillow, didn’t want to disturb you.”*

“It’s fine. Thank you.” Steady held the mug with both hands and let the warmth seep through to his palms before taking a tentative sip. He preferred the taste of caf, but he didn’t want to be kept awake by it. Getting a good night’s sleep was probably the most useful thing he could do at the moment. 

“Not just for the food. Thank you for letting me ramble at you.”

“Hey c’mon you’re allowed to ramble to me anytime. Remember when we first met? I was crying all over you while we were both half naked.” He could laugh at the memory now but for a while, it was pretty damn embarrassing.

“You need to get yourself so much needed rest and a mental break before that brain of yours decides to explode.” He said and playfully poked the middle of Steady’s forehead. “You guys need another shore leave desperately or at least you do.”

“I’ll settle for a solid meal and a good night’s sleep,” Steady murmured into the mug of tea before taking another sip. “Shore leave will be in short supply with all the injured. And anyway, coming here is something of a break for me. The workload is light and the company is good.” He ruffled Sten’s hair and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

Chuckling he tried to smooth out his hair a bit and brought over the food for him. “Soup from a can sorry it’s not a good meal but decent at least. You focus on resting okay? I’ll take of the work it’s fine. And I’ll talk to the guys tell them what happened and keep them from asking too many questions.”

“You can let them ask whatever they want as long as I can eat and sleep first. I’m sure they are all imagining the worst by now.” Steady tucked into the food with a slow but regular motion.

“I know I’m probably not the most sparkling conversationalist or even particularly good company at the moment, but I’d appreciate it if you stay.”

“Hey what’s with you? Like I care about that right now? I’m staying right here as long as you want me to be here.” He made clear by lounging back on the bed.

“If you don’t wanna talk you can listen, I can go on for hours and hours you know. I have plenty of stories to tell.”*

“Fire away.” Steady shifted so that his thigh was pressed against Sten’s. His limbs felt like lead but this was good. For the moment there was nothing he needed to do, and while there were times that that might bother him, with Sten here it wasn’t a problem.*

Smiling he nudged him gently as he started to recall stories that he knew would entertain Steady. Adventures from the station and his time as cadet even.

“I wasn’t all that close to my batch brothers so when I was placed in sergeant training I didn’t see them much after. Joy though uh man he tried to get me to be less awkward around them. Even more awkward since I was the only one of them who had a name.”

“You, awkward? Say it ain’t so.” Steady smiled as he continued to work his way through his dinner. “But it is a little surprising you ended up with a name so fast. It wasn’t until Joy harassed me about it that Steady stopped being something I got called and became something I called myself.” Steady shrugged a little at the memory.

Pinching him for the awkward comment he smiled and gave a little shrug. “When I found out we were just cannon fodder it kinda got to me. I wanted to stand out so I became Sten and after Joy died...for a while I went back to being CT-1860. Relay Station Epsilon was a pretty different place a few years ago.”

A thought occurred to Steady and he set his tray down and turned to look at Sten. 

“Was CT-1857 in your batch?” It seemed almost idiotic that he hadn’t thought to ask before. He knew Sten’s number. He’d put it on paperwork enough time. Sure the Kaminoans’ number system wasn’t always that straightforward, but it wasn’t exactly unlikely either.

“1857?...Yeah, he was my brother. He used to have a lot of nightmares as a kid. We’d work together on assignments but lost contact with him until I found out he was in the 212th.”

“Joy was able to get us to speak again. He told me our other brothers had died on Geonosis. He still didn’t have a name seemed upset about it but Joy told him it’d happen...and we told him about our dream.”

“Got a real kick out of it, said I had changed a lot, guess I did...he died. Nameless. Wasn’t sure how to feel, he was my last brother and he was gone.” Frowning a little he sighed. “I cried for him felt like shit, I pushed him away for years and he was dead...Did you serve with him?”

“He was in my squad,” Steady stated, a little flatly. “And he didn’t die nameless. He was Heart.” His next breath came out a little ragged. He struggled to think of something more to say but came up blank so just leaned back to press closer to Sten and let out a sigh of his own.

Heart had been his brother? A little stunned he didn’t say anything he could see Steady wasn’t in the best mindset right now. Wrapping an arm around him he pulled Steady close hoping to show he was here for him.

Sten’s grip was a welcome relief and Steady leaned into it. He let himself be held, and wondered when the last time had been that he’d been the one held and not the one holding. 

“He had this cookbook he’d found. Force knows what corner of the holonet he dredged it up in. It wasn’t anything fancy. Just a comprehensive guide to basic dishes. But whoever did the photography was on point. Even the simple dishes looked fantastic. He showed it to me one night. Wanted to eat every single dish in the damn thing. Never got the chance to start. So once he was gone, I…” Steady trailed off and turned to look at Sten. He found himself searching for some sign that this seemed in character for what Sten knew of Heart. That memory and infatuation hadn’t warped his perception into creating some sort of warped persona. 

“It’s why I cook even though I don’t much like cooking.”

“He always did hate ration bars, was always sick of them and the food we used to get in training.” His lips quirked into a half smile as he reached out to touch the other’s cheek. 

“I bet he would have loved cooking from that book and have forced everyone to taste test…Hey, I want to cook from it too. If it’s something my own brother found I should be able to...carry that on too.”

“I’ll copy it over for you,” Steady murmured. He reached up to hold the hand stroking his cheek and pulled it in to kiss the palm. 

“I knew it was a bad idea, getting involved with one of my own men. But he could smile at me, and all good sense would be out the airlock.” Steady rolled his shoulders. “Anyway, I can’t bring myself to regret any of it.”

Humming in agreement Sten nodded knowing the exact feeling. “Joy was the same way. Gave me a smile I was stupid in the head. He always knew what to say...and I can’t regret it.” Raising his left hand he flexed his fingers still able to feel a slight tingling sensation in them. “How could I ever regret him?”

Steady spotted his own name on Sten’s left wrist and dragged his index finger across it. The corners of his lips turned up and he yawned. 

“They were a good nine days.” 

His eyelids began to droop and his speech slurred a little as exhaustion got its hooks back into him. But Sten was here and he’d eaten most of the food. Staying up didn’t feel like much of a priority. He wriggled a little closer to Sten and shut his eyes.

Feeling Steady’s breathing even out and his body relax against his own Sten turned his face ever so slightly so he could look at the slumbering lieutenant. He looked so different when he was asleep and Sten hoped he’d be able to enjoy a peaceful slumber. Bringing the blankets up over both of them he leaned in pressing a light kiss to Steady’s lips as he started to drift into sleep.

He was glad Steady was able to share those nine days with Heart, it was more than some others were ever given...and he also hoped that their time would last for a long time as well.

  
  



End file.
